Day 19: Hunger

I've never been so hungry in my life.  The smell of food turns my stomach in a knot.

The Holy Spirit quickened my spirit the other day to remember those who are physically hungry on a daily basis. Unlike them, my hunger has an end.  Their hunger is often times not by choice. 

My heart cries ... What can I do Lord? Show me how I can help those who are hungry. 

No doubt, I am physically hungry. But what's more important is that I should be spiritually hungry too.
Hungry for God's Word.
Hungry for the things that matter to Him.
Hungry to worship Him, to love Him and to serve Him.

And have the passion to show others how to be hungry for Him.

My inward desires going beyond myself. Stepping out of the box and reaching out to others who don't know God ... or those who are on the fence about Him.

My heart cries once more ... Lord, show me how to do just that. Allow me to show Your heart to others. Boldly. Confidently. Without reservation. 

"Blessed are those who hunger and  thirst  for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. 

(Matthew 5:6 ESV)

Day 17: Intentionality Requires A Plan

"This will be your best year ever - IF it is your best year spiritually." - Stovall Weems

Intentionality requires a plan.  Desired changes won't happen by chance.

Therefore, I intend to:
* Fast and pray on the first 3 days of every month
* Continue to seek God daily
* Facebook - extend fast to 40 days except for Pampered Chef duties; after 40 days, check once a day after school
* TV time - extend fast to 40 days; after 40 days, watch on Mon, Wed, Fri and Sat only
* Read a book that's good for the soul
* Host a family from church every other month
* Host a giggle factory event every other month

Now the only thing left to do is to WORK the plan.

Faith without works is dead.

1000 Gifts 2013

In 2012, I counted 529 gifts.  This year, I hope to count at least 1000.  The day's blessings should never go unnoticed. I know somedays, I have to search for them.  Counting gifts reminds me of the Giver - the One who is worthy to be praised for all that I have. Thank you Lord for the gifts yesterday, today and tomorrow.

#530.  Thankful for the start of another year
#531.  For libraries ... Jordan getting his library card for the first time
#532.  A gift inside (the car) ... boys and their new toy - an advance birthday gift from their uncle.
#533.  A gift outside ... twinkling stars in the night sky
#534.  A gift on a plate ... grilled chicken sandwich made by my hubby
#535.  A grace overheard ... "Here Asher , you can play with my toy" (kindness by a 6yr old boy)
#536.  For warm heat on cold winter days
#537.  For hearty kids ... jumping on trampoline shirtless on a cold day
#538.  A gift old ... blankets!
#539.  A gift new ... warm boots
#540.  A gift blue ... blue sky on a warm winter day
#541.  Something I am seeing ... a boy and his love for video games
#542.  Something I am reading ... God's Word
#543.  Something I am making ... memories!
#544.  For the first church day of the new year
#545.  Lunch with the aunties
#546.  Boys rolling with laughter.  They sure know how to make each other laugh.
#547.  For moss covered trees
#548.  For a park at the end of a hike
#549.  For the time to hike alone with the kids.  They say they had fun.  So did I.
#550.  Seeing Rye-rye play with his uncle
#551.  For brother and sister connecting over Legos
#552.  A gift sat with ... my soon-to-be 5 year old
#553.  A gift held ... little Avery!
#554.  Watching old videos of the kids and looking through old pictures ... great laughs and fond memories!
#556.  A gift just right ... having my mom for 2 weeks. We all had such a good visit with her.  We will miss her very much.
#557.  A gift that' sweet ... almost 6dozen cupcakes for Rye-rye's birthday party
#558.  For a 5th bithday for a sweet boy!
#559.  Yellow gift of fresh mercy ... birthday candle flames marking another year of life
#560.  A gift below ... brothers and sister cuddled on the floor for a movie
#561.  A gift beside ...my husband as we cuddle on the couch
#562.  I am grateful for my bdy even after having 3 kids
#563.  I am grateful that I like things organized and clean
$564.  I am grateful that I am a wife and a mother
#565.  For finding ice over a creek on a hike!
#566.  For seeing a light brown squirrel ... a first!
#567.  For a warm shower after a cold 5-mile hike
#568.  For God's sovereignty.  It was early 2009 when we first started worrying about losing our house.  That's almost 4 years ago and we ad still here.  Thank you Lord for this gift.
#569.  A gift shared ... coloring time between 2 brothers
#570.  A gift worn ... a blanket as she built puzzles on the floor
#571.  A gift given away ... hugs and kisses
#572.  Guinea pigs taking a bath.  An act of service by the kids. So sweet.
#573.  My 5-yr old cleaning partner.  He sprayed.  I wiped.
#574.  Mid-week prayer service.  The blending of faith.
#575.  A gift bringing quiet ... 21-day fasting and prayer
#576.  A gift bringing laughter ... kids acting their own version of America's Funniest Videos
#577.  A gift bringing prayer ... Psalm 86
#578.  A gift in God's Word ... Romans 1:1-4
#579.  A gift in God's Word ... Matthew 26:41
#580.  A gift in God's Word ... Psalm 46:10
#581.  A gift that might never been ... a quiet moment to think and ponder if I didn't fast from TV and social media
#582.  A gift that might never have been ... encouraging my host and following up with her guests resulted in a show to submit! Persistence and not giving up.
#583.  A gift that might never have been ... snacking on fruits and nuts if I didn't fast carbs
#584.  Realizing for the first time that I didn't say no to my abusers because I didn't want to confront them.  It was easier at that time to stay quiet.
#585.  Realizing that my youngest is now the oldest in his Sunday school class
#586.  Fresh air circulating inside a closed-up house in winter
#587.  A gift in sky - clear and blue.  So beautiful. Perfect for a hike day.
#588.  A gift in water ... thirst quencher on a 2.5 mile hike
#589.  A gift in memory ... God's faithfulness in the last 5 years
#590.  A father's devotion to playing tooth fairy to our daughter
#591.  A new way to play Go Fish ... upside down!
#592.  Boldness to lead worship solo for a CHECC meeting
#593.  A gift found in Jesus Christ ... His death on the cross for my sake.  Forgiveness!
#594.  A gift found in Jesus Christ ... His example of what it means to love
#595.  A gift found in Jesus Christ ... Redemption!
#596.  A gift blue ... blue sky on a winter day
#597.  A gift blue ... blue sweater on a cute boy
#598.  A gift blue ... blue CBS book and blue ink for or memory verse
#599.  A little girl singing in bed ... such a sweet voice
#600.  Full moon that's low over the sky
#601.  A baby shower for a friend ... celebrating a new life
#602.  A breakthrough for Ryan regarding his habit.  God touching his heart.
#603 - 605.  3 gifts in the kitchen ... a big window that overlooks the backyard, enough cabinets to hold our stuff, and food!
#606 - 608.  3 gifts found in friends ... encouragement, support, and loving me where I am
#609.  A song heard ... A Happy Birthday greeting to grandma
#610.  A light seen ... first light of the day outside bedroom window reflected on wall creating shadows
#611.  An old thing seen new ... the living Word giving new revelation all the time
#612.  A gift in a picture ... my girl holding a precious baby
#613.  A gift in a Person ... Jesus Christ - the One Person that matters the most
#614.  A gift in paper ... prayers for my kids as I go about my day
* * * *
FEBRUARY
#615.  A gift red ... strawberries for a smoothie during a fast
#616.  A girl reading stories to 3 younger boys.  So sweet.
#617.  Pink sky at sunset
#618.  New park fun (cement slides at the Golden Gate Park in SF)
#619.  Cardboard box sleds for a cement slide
#620.  The conclusion of the 21-day fast
#621.  Watching the Super Bowl game with friends
#622.  For food I can bite into and chew
#623.  A gift found when bent down ... laced up hiking boots
#624.  A gift found when bent down ... grass seedlings on hike trails
#625.  A gift found when bent down ... wild daffodils near hike trails
#626.  A gift woven ... my children's hearts for each other, made possible by homeschooling
#627. A gift hammered ... nails through His hands for a wretched me

Day 15: My Final Week

Today marks a new territory for me.

For the final week of fasting, I am on a liquid only fast (juice, herbal tea, broth, shakes).  This is by far the hardest week as far as hunger, and its only the first of 7 days.  But I also believe that this week will be my most meaningful week - spiritually.

Questions to ponder.

Decisions to be made.

Plans to implement. Intentionality.

A life to be changed. Radically. And for the glory of God.

Lord, my life is in Your hands. Mold it and shape it as You wish. Grant me a new and undivided heart. May my life be a witness and a light that leads people back to You. 

Day 14: I Surrender

Lord have Your way in me ... I surrender.

Day 12: Pray to Listen

Today our devotional led us to a story in Acts 10.  Two men who prayed on separate occasions, yet their prayers are undoubtedly connected.  One man had a need which the other one met.

Coincidence?  Hardly.

Our prayer time with the Lord goes beyond our self.  We may use this time to send our petitions to heaven, but God, in His infinite ways, can use this time to meet the needs of other people.

Yes.  Our prayer time can meet the needs of other people.

This is where being quiet and listening becomes important.  Crucial really.

God may be asking us to do something for Him or He may reveal a truth about Him and His ways, as in Peter's case in Acts 10.  The revelation to Peter of God's desire to save all men allowed Peter to deliver the Good News to a Gentile family.  That wasn't what Peter was praying for at that time, but God used his prayer time to answer someone else's prayer.

It's so easy to forget to listen when we pray.  Often our prayers are one-way.  We don't give God a chance to speak, and we miss the opportunity to help answer someone else's prayer.

God connects prayers.  It's up to us to listen in order for those connections to transpire.


Lord, help me to remember to give You a chance to speak during my prayer time.  Allow me to be quiet and listen for Your leading and direction that may be for other people's benefit.  

Day 11: On My Knees

As I study the book of Mark in my Community Bible Study class, I am struck by Jesus' prayer life.  We are no stranger to his miracles and his love for all people.  But I believe that Jesus' success in His ministry was a result of His prayers to God the Father.

Jesus recognized the importance of "breaking away" from His mission.  To rest.  To be strengthened.  To be reaffirmed by the Father.  He did not neglect to stay connected with God, the source of all power.

Even in His agony over His impending death on the cross, He prayed to God.
Even as He was hanging on the cross, He cried out.

Our 21-day devotional noted that "God does not want merely to answer our prayers; He wants to spend time with us to prepare us for the answer that will come."

Jesus' prayers prepared Him for what was to come.  And He won the battle on His knees.


Lord, help me to follow in Jesus' footsteps and win battles on my knees.  Help me to be prayerful and stay connected with You during trying times and also during joyful times.  May You find me more often on my knees than doing Your "work".

Day 10: Heart of Worship

The cry of my heart in this season of fasting and prayer.

"I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You Jesus"

Lord, may I return with the right heart of worship and make this year about You.

Day 9: Be Intentional

Fasting is allowing me to be intentional with my relationship with God.  He's my main focus ... daily seeking to meet Him and hear His voice.

But what happens after the fast?  Will life go back "as usual"?

It's easy to go back into the routine of things.  I start eating normal, and I return to the same activities before the fast.  I know this from experience -- I was in this same boat a year ago.  Next thing I know, I am far from Him (again) and I'm just going through the motions.  

But how will this year be any different?  What do I need to remember?

I must remain intentional.  

It's no secret.  It's no gimmick.  It's a daily choice ... to walk towards Him or away from Him.  To seek Him or hide from Him.

To live a life of passion for God requires a daily commitment.  It's not "life as usual."  

One thing is for sure, I will not be able to do this out of my own strength and will power.  My spirit may be willing, but my flesh is weak (Matthew 26:41).  Distractions will come.  Life will happen.

However, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) and "the Spirit helps us in our weakness" (Romans 8:26a).

Yes Lord.  I will rest on those promises.

Day 7: Focusing on God's Goodness

I am a perfectionist at heart.  I can get bogged down with the details.  Rules matter to me.  And these attributes easily spill over into my life as a Christ-follower.

Attributes that may seem harmless and insignificant.  It may even seem useful and important.  Going to church.  Reading your Bible.  Prayer.  Bible studies.  Ministries.  Serving. Those are all good things. Right?

Not if they become a source of pride or condemnation.  Yes!  Because perfectionists thrive on tasks and performance.

But I forget that salvation is free! 

"For it is by grace we have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is a gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Today's reading in our 21-day fasting points us to focus on God's goodness, rather than an inward focus on our own works and performance. 

"The way we love God more is by focusing on His love for us. You will live more holy on accident by focusing on the goodness of God than you will by focusing in all the 'thou shalts' and the 'thou shalt nots.'"  

Walking in grace.  

And we can see other people through the same filter of grace.  Our spouses.  Our children.  Our friends.

How incredibly freeing is that?  Knowing that God loves me because of who He is and not if I obey Him perfectly.  And that I can love others for who they are because God loves them.

Because of His goodness, we can live a life of peace and joy.  By believing and not achieving.  

Day 6: Watch and Pray

"Watch and pray," Jesus tells His disciples as He enters into prayer at Gethsemane.  Jesus even gave them a reason why, "so that you will not fall into temptation." (Matthew 26:41)

He told them to be ready or they will crumble under pressure.  He found them sleeping at least three times.  And when the pressure came, they fled ... they failed the test.

Watching requires being awake, paying attention, being in tune with God.

And watching goes hand in hand with prayer.

We pray for the Holy Spirit to fill us, so that we may do things out of His power and not our own efforts, for "The spirit is willing, but the body is weak" (Matthew 26:41).  We must allow the Spirit to lead us to do the things that are pleasing to God.  Left to our own, we mess up ... we fail, just like the apostles did when they abandoned Jesus at His arrest.  To be led by the Spirit is to yield to the Spirit ... to surrender.

Watch and Pray.

Be awake and Be filled with the Spirit.  Two crucial responses.  Our victory to win daily battles depends on it.

Day 5: A Quote

I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am. 

- John Newton

Thank you Lord for the life that you gave me through Your Son Jesus Christ.  Thank you that You see me from a state of grace, allowing me to be truly transformed.

Day 4: A Prayer

Abba Father, I humbly come before You and surrender.

I desire to be filled up by You alone. Empty me of everything and anything that is not of You. Empty me of pride, selfishness, ambition, self-sufficiency, complacency.  Strip me of all these things that are keeping me from You.  Wash me of all that are hindering my walk with You and preventing me from a life that is in alignment with Your will for my life.

Fill me with Your Holy Spirit.  The same Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead.

And when I am filled, may my life be poured out for others. Use me Lord as Your vessel to bless those around me.

Increase my capacity to know You, to love You and to serve You. Father, I want to be emptied, filled up and poured out for Your glory. Amen.

Day 3: Believing God for the Impossible

I want to believe God for the impossible.

I want to have faith that truly believes in miracles.

We are on the brink of foreclosure with our home.  It's been 2 years since we made a mortgage payment.  After going through a bankruptcy, we have been discharged of this debt.  Despite the fact that we know we cannot afford this house, we want to stay put ... to keep growing our roots down in one place.

I remember praying for this house when we were on the market to buy.  God blessed us with this home that met our needs.  I know that He doesn't promise to keep us here.  For God has bigger and better plans, and it may not include staying in this house.  Nevertheless ...

I want to believe God for the impossible.

I want to have faith that truly believes in miracles.

And He has been faithful more ways than I can ever imagine when it comes to keeping us here.  It was early 2009 when we first started worrying about losing our house.  We were able to modify our loan and reduced our monthly payment by $1000.  Then filing for bankruptcy two years later delayed the foreclosure proceedings when we defaulted on our loan.  If you add up the years, that's almost 4 years ago ... and we are still here.  If that's not a miracle, I don't know what is. And we are so very thankful.  Still ...


I want to believe God for the impossible. 

I want to have faith that truly believes in miracles.


God says in His Word,

"If you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; nothing will be impossible for you." (Matt 17:18)

He says nothing will be impossible because with Him, all things are possible.  But it is only when we have faith to believe that we can pray with confidence and know that "nothing will be impossible."

So, do I have that kind of faith?  A faith that has no doubts or fear of what God can do.  Do I pray with complete confidence to the God who created all?

God, help me with my unbelief.  Remove all doubts in all corners of my heart.  Replace it with Your truth and Your promises.

Beware in your prayers, above everything else, of limiting God, not only by unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do.  Expect ... "above all that we ask or think." - Andrew Murray

There it is.  Don't limit God.  Expect.

God, strengthen my heart to fully believe You for the impossible. And to have the kind of faith that truly believes in miracles.  I will wait expectantly.  But not as I will, Lord, but as You will.

Day 2: Hearing God Speak

I'm at a point in my life where I have a hard time hearing God's voice.  I can barely remember what He sounds like.  All I hear is static.

I am desperate to once again hear Him.  Loud and clear.

But in order to hear God speak means I have to be tuned in.  Dialed in.  Walking in His ways.  Praying.  Reading His Word.  Walking within His frequency.

But I am nowhere near God's frequency.  And I know I have to change. Adjust.  Remove distractions.  Create a space for God to fill.  Get un-busy.  Get quiet.  Set aside a time and a place to meet with the Lord.  For I know that He moves towards us when we move towards Him (James 4:8).

Over time, spiritual trash has built up in my soul.  Complacency.  Busyness.  Outright disobedience.  I am so bombarded by the things of this world that there's no room for Him to speak into my life.  TV, movies, social media, games and even sleep has taken more precedence.

Tuning in to His frequency will not occur unless these trash are taken out first.

It starts by carving out a time to meet Him.  Setting aside time to fast and pray.  Removing those daily distractions.  Making Him the priority every single day.

And that is what this 21-day journey is all about.  To find my way back to Him.  To draw near to Him more than I have been.

And when He does speak, I hope that my response will be "Yes Lord ... as You will!"

Lord, thank you that You are a patient and a forgiving God.  I pray that I gain back the sensitivity to the things that matter to You.  Help me to tune in again to Your frequency. 

Day 1: Be awakened!

In this life, there are two ways to live according to Psalm 1.  The way of the righteous or the way of the wicked.  We can walk in the way of the righteous and be blessed, or walk in the way of the wicked and perish.

Who doesn't want to be blessed? And who in their right mind wants to perish?  The choice seems simple enough.  And that's where most people are tripped up - in the simplicity of the calling.

To be righteous doesn't mean perfection.  It means delighting in the law of the Lord and meditating on them day and night (Psalm 1:2).  If we want to know specifically how to live in the way of the righteous - to have a guide book in this journey called life, there's only one place to look -- His Word.  And as we discover and follow His ways, we will be blessed, and in all that we do, we will prosper.

The question then becomes ... is my delight in the law of the Lord or is my delight in the offerings of this world? 

As I search my heart at this very moment, I am not confident that I am walking entirely in the ways of the righteous.  I have allowed the offerings of this world to distract me.  Less time in the Word.  Less time in prayer.  Less time in communion with God.  I feel like I have been asleep.

But I choose not to dwell here.  Choose not to stay asleep. I long for that fire to be ignited again.  To be awakened.  But I do have to remember this:

The tendency of fire is to go out; watch the fire on the altar of your heart.  Anyone who has tended a fireplace fire knows that it needs to be stirred up occasionally. - William Booth

I can no longer be complacent with my walk with the Lord.  It is a daily walk -- choosing to stay awake in Him.

Lord, forgive me for falling asleep.  Help me to stir up the fires in my heart for You.  Use these next 21 days to speak to my heart.  May my heart stay ablaze for all that You have for me in my lifetime. 

My Awakening Journey

Today is Day 1 of our corporate fast with our church body.  It's a 21-day journey to awaken our souls -- to draw near to God and ignite our spiritual fervor. This will be my second year participating in this fast.

My fasting plan is this:
1st week - Cut out processed carbs
2nd week - Cut out carbs and meat
3rd week - Be on a liquid fast only (water, juices, shakes, broths)

My goals during this time of fasting and prayer is to draw nearer to the Lord.  To hear His voice again and to create spaces for Him - to increase my capacity to receive His blessings and plans for my life. I am believing God for 2 things this year.  To allow us to stay in our current home against all odds.  To guide and direct the next steps for my brother and my mom after my brother graduates high school.

This blog will serve as my jourmal to document my journey.

The Daily Surrender of Our Sins

When it comes to overcoming sin, it's not about "trying harder" or "getting it under control."  Rather, it should be about "complete surrender" - giving over to God that very sin. When we "try harder," we are merely relying on our own strength and will power, which eventually leads to failure. 

"For I know that good itself does dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." (Romans 7:18 NIV) 

 

"So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want." (Galatians 5:16, 17 NIV)

 

"Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the flesh"  (Romans 13:14 NIV)

But when we "surrender" to God, we rely on His power and strength - not ours.  And with God, nothing is impossible (Mark 10:27, Matthew 19:26, Luke 18:27).  But often times, that seemingly so simple act of surrender happens not once but daily.

Daily ... we deny ourselves. 
Daily ... we carry our crosses. 
Daily ... we cry out to God for help.
Daily ... we do not willingly commit that sin.

Surrender is not a one-time event.  It is a lifetime process.  It is a daily process.

Granted the lure of this world can be satisfying for the moment. And it does, by all means, satisfy our flesh and we feel good as a result.  And that is why we commit the sin.  But such satisfaction is temporary, and such lust has no eternal value.

 

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV)

 

"The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing." (John 6:63a NIV) "But if Christ is in you, then even though your body is subject to death because of sin, the Spirit gives life because of righteousness." (Romans 8:10 NIV)

Overcoming the grips of sin is not easy.  It's nothing short of a miracle.  It requires a minute-by-minute or second-by-second decision to engage or not engage. 

But the truth is ... Jesus has the answer.  He IS the answer.  And He has won the victory for us. 

 

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV)

 

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9 NIV)

Sin leads only to death.  So choose life.  Choose HIM.

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life. (Deuteronomy 30:19, 20b NIV)

 

We can overcome our sin that so entangles us.  But only with Him.  And it requires the daily practice of surrender.

 

 Walk With Him Wednesday with Ann Voskamp